I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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