So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
