if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You left your phone here
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