dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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