Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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