Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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