did you get engaged???
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
