i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Your penis caused this!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
