yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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