I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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