I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
