you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
