facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
