She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
