that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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