I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
