I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
