i just wanna soil my oats bro
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
