Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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