I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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