she looked like the before picture.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Randomize
