Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
