Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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