I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
