she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
