Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize