Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
