Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
