Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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