dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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