Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
