i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
