My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
