Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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