my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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