I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
