quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
