Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
