I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I got inside last night via doggy door
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize