she woke up with a sticky ear
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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