Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
