Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
