Who did Billy Mays play for?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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