I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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