best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
