felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
