Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
