I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize