this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
