Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
