just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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