ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
