that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
