Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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