Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
