was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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