if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
