Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
