Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
