If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
