What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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