You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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