I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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