the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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