there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
