I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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