Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
