Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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