theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
