its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
