one might say we're banned from that church
I am spending my child support on dildos
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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