We named our party play list daddy issues
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Alive.
So much puke
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
