I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
