Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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