can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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