youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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