I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
