I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
