made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I want her autograph on my taint
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This baby is an asshole
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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