well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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