u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
