yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize