now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
