I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
