I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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