so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
