hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
