Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
