So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize