He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
