why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
