I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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