So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
