why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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