so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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