well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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