This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
