There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize