My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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