You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
