she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize