You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
