The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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